I’m editing my thoughts. I’m lying here on my couch, running my fingers through my hair, staring up at the ceiling, and cycling through my thoughts looking for something to say. I’m being extra careful tonight and I’m not entirely sure why.
I am aware of thinking that I should be happy, and I am happy. But, it’s also not all that I am.
I received very good news today. It was the news I was wanting. I immediately wanted to share it, as if it wasn’t real until other people could participate in it with me. I made some phone calls, sent some texts, and even posted about it on Facebook. I received heartfelt congratulations. It was nice. It wasn’t enough.
I think more than anything, I wanted a hug. I wanted to be with someone. I wanted to stand before someone and see my own smile reflected on his or her face.
I do feel happiness tonight. I am also aware of how isolated I am in my life, and I can’t help but think that I have made it this way. That I have set myself apart. That I have created this aloneness that I now feel as a dull ache alongside the contentment I also have.
I would have liked a hug today. I would have liked it very much.