There was a moment tonight when I wanted to rest my head on my friend’s shoulder, have his arm wrap around me, and just sit together like that in silence. I wanted to rest in my closeness to him for a moment. I wanted to bask a bit in the love that is between us. I wanted to borrow a bit of his comfort and safety and leave him with some of my gratitude. I am blessed to know this man; that I get to love him and be loved by him makes my life more meaningful.
I didn’t tell him this. I didn’t ask him for what I wanted. I didn’t move from where I was sitting beside him, a couple feet of space between us, until it was time to get in my car and drive home, and then that’s exactly what I did.
Now I’m home, and I am as aware of the love I feel as I am of the tinge of sadness that accompanies it. The truth is, I’m scared to express the love I feel. I hold back out of shyness, timidity or fear. And right now, tonight in this moment, I wish that I didn’t. I wish I had the courage to be more open and effusive. I wish it wasn’t so hard for me to take a friend’s hand or lay my head on his shoulder. I wish I could be a little bit braver with my tenderness.