I’m in a hotel room in the desert. I don’t know a single person for hundreds of miles. There are actual tumbleweeds on the road out here. I keep thinking I should be crying. I keep waiting for the tears to come. The realization that this is what my life has come to. This is the point that all my work so far has lead me to. This desert wasteland with its Walmart and fast food restaurants. And I’m thinking about living here; I’m thinking about taking the only job I might be able to get. I don’t even know if I can get it yet. I interview in the morning.

My truth? I want a life in which this isn’t a choice I have to make. I want someone else’s magical life. But I can’t have that. I can’t close my eyes, open them and not be in the desert. Alone.

I want someone with me tonight. I wanted someone with me on the drive over the brown hills today. I want someone to make all of this easier for me. That’s the truth.