I want to spend less time in contemplation. I want to spend more time just living.
This is a bit of a scary concept for me. Thinking is part of what keeps me safe. It is part of what keeps me removed from a life that I have previously felt ill-equipped to participate in fully.
I trust myself now in ways I didn’t before. And, this is still new to me. There is discomfort for me in being in the moments as they happen. There is freedom there too.
I have been letting things slip recently. I have been focusing my time and energy in other places. I am living a little bit more, and controlling a little bit less. I like it, and it is not exactly comfortable for me. I’m not sure it ever will be, just as I’m not sure that comfortable is the point anymore.
I can tolerate the discomfort. I can sit with it and live in it. This, I think, is all I can really ask myself to do. To live anyway. To be alive regardless.