I was so exhausted by the time I finally sat down at home tonight (at 8:30 PM) that my body hurt with it. Now, I’m clinging to consciousness for as long as it takes me to write this post and put my pajamas on.
What amazes me, is that despite this, I feel good. It was not a good day or a bad day. It was a day comprised of good and bad moments. The part that makes me smile now to think about, is that I was good in all the moments of it. Even when I didn’t feel particularly good. I was profoundly okay no matter what was happening. Even as I moaned over what was happening. The bad did not shake me today. It did not destroy me or reduce me.
I can’t be particularly articulate about how my experience of self utterly transformed my experience in this day because I’m about three minutes away from falling asleep sitting up, but I know it. It is the smile on my face.
I am more than the sum of my parts. I am more than the events of my day. I am more than my life as it exists right now. I held separate today who I am from what I was experiencing. Which is not to say it didn’t effect me, because it did. But I stayed whole. Not unchanged or unchanging, but somehow whole, and aware of it.
If I am not explaining this well, it is in part because I don’t fully understand it. The simple truth is, I had a new experience today. I felt how I lived my day differently. It was a simple day. I worked. I came home. Yet the difference of it feels profound. And I was the only difference in it.
I liked it. I liked me. And that is something to cherish.