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I am fighting this post.

I am needing it to be something special, so everything that is rising up gets dismissed as not ________ enough.

I am judging the experience I am having before I am having it. I am interrupting myself. I am preventing myself from just being whatever it is I am. Because I have already determined that whatever that is, it’s not ________ enough. Or, it’s too ________. Or, it’s simply discomforting, and I would so much rather not feel discomforted.

And I am way too fucking exhausted for it tonight.

Acceptance is hard. Acceptance is brutally hard.

I kind of hate the people who make it out to be easy. Who make it seem like it’s as easy as sinking into, or inviting in.

I feel shame for not being more self-accepting.

It’s absurd.