It is after 1 AM and I just stopped working for the night. I have been up for just over 12 hours and am exhausted again.
I woke up at 1 PM today. I did 3 loads of laundry, vacuumed the house, did the dishes, grocery shopped, picked up the backyard, went through old mail, and did a whole lot of work related work. It wasn’t enough. I did not get done everything that needed to get done today.
I was also aware of feeling very raw and vulnerable today, and not having any idea as to why. There were a couple points in my day when I felt like softly crying. I have no idea what was moving me. Or what was moving through me.
I miss being actively loved. I miss the softness of being seen and touched simultaneously. I give what I can to myself. I cherish the moments when I feel sweetly toward myself. I know these moments to be precious, but they are also always tinged with sadness. They never quite feel like enough.