I have a massive headache. I worked over 11 hours. I am exhausted. I also just spent the past 30 minutes doing whatever I could think of online to avoid writing this post. I’d almost rather re-watch the entire 3 hour Bachelor finale. Yes, re-watch. The funniest part of that is (and I’m sticking with funny, not sad), I’d only watched the one episode prior to tonight’s 3 hour ordeal. Still, I was very excited.
I want to be part of a larger conversation. I want to participate in something that matters and is bigger than me. It makes me nervous to admit that because I am really good at navel-gazing; not so much at getting involved. Staying alone in my house with my dog, eating crap all day long while watching awful television, that I know I can do. Going outside? Eh…of that I’m much less sure. Throw in finding something to get involved with, and then actually showing up and participating, and I literally break out in a sweat.
I don’t know what all this navel-gazing is for anymore if it’s not to contribute something to others. I’m not ashamed of it. I don’t feel the need to apologize for who I am or how I choose to spend my time (even when it involves the Bachelor). I am really good at looking inward. It kind of seems to be how I was built. But at some point, maybe I ought to do something with what all that introspection has given me. Assuming it’s given me something more than a massive headache and a compulsion for sugar and bad TV.
Maybe the point of it all is to share it. Or put it to use.
I’m really uncomfortably out of my depth on this one, and all I’m doing is thinking about doing something. I haven’t actually done anything yet.