I don’t know if it’s because I did almost a full day’s worth of work today, or if it’s that the illness that’s been lingering all week reared up and kicked me in the teeth today, but whatever the cause, I’m lonelier today than I have felt in a while.
I find myself wishing today that I wasn’t quite so alone.
I find myself saddened by how alone I am.
The truth is, I’m saddened by how alone I am, and I am alone because I choose to be. At least, in part.
I could sit here and dwell on that. I could pick myself apart trying to examine all the ways I put myself here in this place I say I don’t want to be. I could pile on the shame and judgment until I’m so buried by it I can’t see up from down anymore.
Or, I could go to bed and let the Nyquil I just took do its job.