I want to sit on top of a bridge, staring out onto some gorgeous nighttime vista–a river below me, mountains in the backdrop, and enough moonlight to see by–and there, be visited by a guardian. I want this guardian to appear in human form, but for his presence to leave no doubt that he’s so much more than human also. I want him to sit quietly beside me for a long stretch of time. I want the whole thing to seem as though I’m dreaming.
Then, I want him to tell me who I am.
I want him to give meaning to my existence.
I want him to assure me that I am exactly who I was meant to be, and that not one single part of me is wrong.
Then, I want him to sit with me while I weep.
It’s a strange and impossible thing to want. True. But I still do want it.
The truth is, I ache from how tired I am. I don’t want to do this thing this way all alone anymore.
Right now, I’d settle for someone to make space for me to cry in. But there’s no one. No one to hold me. No one to sit with me. No one to make it safe enough for me to let myself go.
I’m so tired of being alone.