I spent a hell of a lot of time and money in Walmart this morning on my way to work. I’m not quite sure what came over me. It felt like something I needed to do, which is weird; I can honestly say, I’ve never needed to go to WalMart before. It took me three trips to get all my purchases up to my office.
It was like some strange nesting impulse. Only with art supplies and board games. If this keeps happening as a way of coping with the stresses of my job, within a year I’ll be able to rent my office out for kids’ birthday parties. Hopefully without the life-sized, electronic rodent rock band. (Secretly, I’m quite proud of my office. I stood in it today, stared at all my newly organized goodies, and preened. Preened over a folding table, Sterilite storage containers, and Play-Doh.)
I’m beginning to suspect that it might be possible for me to do this job without entirely forsaking my sanity. I actually feel a smidge competent. There is so much I still don’t know, but now, there are a few things I do know. I feel good about that. I feel good about what I’ve learned these past few months.
This may make it less believable the next time I threaten to go AWOL from work, but the truth is, I like that I am doing this. It’s so, so hard, but there’s something to be said for doing it and surviving it. There’s something to be said for being challenged in this way. I keep wanting to draw a comparison to the Navy SEALs, like a really weak, lazy, nerdy version of the Navy SEALs. I feel like I’m a part of something bigger than me, and I like it.
The truth is, it’s been a long, hard week and I have been clearly out of my mind for some of it, but tonight as I go to sleep at the end of it, I am happy. I am proud of myself.