I am terrible at managing money. Money continues to be a thing that terrifies me week to week and month to month. I need to do a budget. I need to face the truth about my finances so I can stop living in fear of them. And, I’m going to need to ask for help with it.

My financial situation is a truth I desperately want to avoid, and in avoiding it, I only continue to perpetuate my fear of it.

The truth is, I am financially irresponsible. I don’t pay attention to my spending, and I have no idea how much, month-to-month, it may fall outside my means. Which is not to say I’m going on shopping sprees or buying extravagant things. But, I need to grow up a bit around money. I want to stop living in fear of it. The only way to do that is to deal with the truth of the matter, to sit down and do some very basic accounting. So that I can know exactly what I have and exactly what I can afford to spend, before I spend it.

[In part, I wrote this truth because I was doing some online bill paying just before I began this post that caused my stomach to twist and my heart to flutter. The other part of it is, I don’t want to delve too deeply tonight and this subject, albeit genuinely scary to me, is a bit more on the surface. I say that just for the sake of telling a more complete truth.]