I had an unexpectedly nice day. I spent very little of it at home and just as little of it alone. It was not what I had planned on, even while it was happening. I liked it. It was easy, relaxed and really nice. I’m home now, seated on my couch for the first time since 11 AM, and I’m smiling contentedly.
I’m having some difficulty keeping my attention here. I keep drifting off into what I want to do before I go to bed, which is to have a glass of raspberry/blackberry Safeway water over ice and watch the next episode of Roswell.
I think my relationship to myself is changing and I got to feel that today. I got to experience how it has changed, and I feel good about it. The writing of these posts has become a spiritual practice for me in a way that has taken me by surprise. I felt comfortable in my skin today. Even when I felt kind of socially awkward. Because it was okay that I was awkward. It is okay that I am awkward; the world and my friendships will survive it.
I think perhaps, without intending it, I may have finally figured out how to grow my self-esteem–how to honestly love myself as I am without conditions. Perhaps that is what all of these will add up to be.