I really, really, really wanted to burst into tears today. More than that, I wanted someone with whom I felt safe enough to sit while I cried.
I don’t know where the feelings were coming from or what, specifically, they were about. I just knew them to be there, like a miniature ocean lapping the underside of my skin as I moved.
I want an easy day. I want a day without too much thought. A day full of laughter and joy, shared with someone who I love being near. I want to play. I want to feel free. I want a day of not having to work so god damn hard. Which, I know now, is a day different from one spent doing nothing.
And, I don’t know how to have what I want. I don’t know how to create it for myself.
Work is hard. Life, right now, is hard. I really, really, really don’t want to be alone in it. On days like today, it feels like too much for me to handle on my own. I feel so overwhelmed. So uncomfortable.
I want one easy day. One easy day with someone I’m happy to be next to. One day of remembering what it’s like to feel free.