I still feel like crap. Still have the fever, cough, sore throat, chest and nasal congestion. Still feel as though my head were stuffed with cotton, and oddly, my jaw still aches. I’m sweating under the covers, but I’m under the covers because I’m cold. Sigh. Being sick sucks.
I’m going to make this short tonight. I feel guilty when I put myself first. In fact, generally the guilt wins out before any action takes place and I end up not putting myself first. I end up giving into the rules that others’ set, or the things that others’ want, or the ways I think I am “supposed” to be. It’s rarely a matter of not knowing what I want. It’s usually that I take what I want and shove it to the back, bury it under judgment, shame and guilt, and then do what someone else wants and be resentful about it and self-pitying. Win, win. Sigh.
I don’t assert what I want. So, I don’t get what I want. Pretty simple.