I spent the last 2 hours purchasing new music and books courtesy of the gift cards I received for my birthday. Thank you Mom and Dad.
Now it is way past my bedtime. [So much so that I just spent 5 minutes doing an online search to make sure it really is “past” my bedtime and not “passed.” Simple grammar can confuse me so easily when I am tired.]
I did not particularly enjoy today. My evening was better. I bought 30 rolls of toilet paper at Target, which made me chuckle. I ate 2 chicken sausages and a bowl of cereal for dinner because I never did go grocery shopping. I also found this amusing.
I was lonely tonight though. I wanted company. It was the kind of night when I have to make a concerted effort to put down the phone, lest I call everyone in my contacts list until someone answers.
I need genuine, heartfelt connections with other people. It helps me feel better. I need intimacy. It makes me feel alive. Connecting with someone else’s heart puts me in touch with my own.
I also wonder if I use those very things to escape being with myself. Or, to experience myself differently than I’m normally able to do on my own. I think I like myself better in those moments. I think I feel better about myself which is what makes me feel better.
Irregardless, I miss my friends.