Tonight, I am deeply appreciative of this practice I have cultivated over the past 158 days. I love that I have carved out space and time each day that is so selfishly just for me. I love having a place where I get to be me.
Yet even here I am cautious. Even here I hold myself back. Even here I censor myself; I judge the words and discard them before they have a chance to make it out of my head. Even here I don’t allow myself to be entirely free.
I want to give myself more freedom. To just be me. To relax and stop trying so hard to be “right” or whatever I think anyone else might need me to be. To be okay with being awkward. To be okay with only knowing the truth of my own experience, and trusting it. Letting just that be enough.
I want to dare to fall in love with myself.
I’m scared. I’m not sure anymore what it is I am so afraid of, but I know that when I hold myself back, it’s out of fear.