I wish that love, life, and being me all came a little easier to me. I wish it wasn’t so natural for me to go to a place of shame. That I didn’t walk away from a dinner with a new person wondering if I had been funny enough. That it didn’t matter so much to me what other people thought of me or felt about me. That when someone referred to me as “intense” I didn’t immediately hear it as a bad thing to be.
I wish it wasn’t so easy for me to dislike who I am. To feel not good enough. I wish I didn’t have it in me to believe that loveable is something I have to work at being. That when I love someone who doesn’t love me back in the way I want them to, I didn’t take it in as representative of my lack of worth. That I didn’t shoulder all the blame when people go away.
The truth, whether I believe it or not, is that I am a beautiful human being deserving of love. It really is that simple. I wish me believing it came just as simply. I wish it was something I never doubted. That I could hold it in my heart always, and that it would soften me. Open me. Let me love even more. This is what I wish for myself tonight. To know that I am a beautiful human being deserving of love. Always, and no matter what.