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I really suck at staying present.

I spent most of my night dreading the next three days. Assuming they will be unbearable, I was trying to figure out some way to make them bearable. I have to wake up earlier than I would like each day and each day entails something that I imagine will not feel good.

I spent some of my night projected even further out into the future to an unknowable day when the stresses of juggling my job and my dog become too much for me. And, I tried my best to plan for it. Or, more accurately, to come up with a plan that will insure that day never comes.

I wonder what it is I am really afraid of.

I really don’t want to spend my time making myself miserable over things that haven’t happened yet and may never actually happen.  I want to trust myself enough to just be in my life as it is happening now. And maybe, to even enjoy it.

That said, all I’m thinking about now is how my mom leaves first thing Thursday morning, and how sad I will be to see her go.