I feel as though the past couple weeks caught up with me tonight. It’s possible I’m feeling so overwhelmed and unable to give any kind of emotional support to myself because I’m just so damn tired. I don’t particularly want to look for truth tonight because I’m not sure I’d like what I find. I’m struggling with a lot of self-judgment, shame, anxiety, doubt and fear right now. I feel very small.
I need sleep more than anything. Second to sleep, I need a friend. I can’t seem to muster belief in myself right now. I can’t seem to quiet the voices telling me I’m not worth very much and that the times I’ve felt so strongly recently that I knew what was best or right for me were bullshit stories I fed myself to feel better about the choices I’ve been making. I can’t quite tell up from down tonight, or the truth from the lies.
I wish I had more faith in myself.
Perhaps I will in the morning.