, ,

I’m not going to lie; the past couple days have not been great. I’m once again relegated to typing this post on my phone where a black bar keeps blocking my type, making this even more of a pain in the ass.

I had been so focused on the moving part that I hadn’t much considered what it might be like when I actually arrived. My mood yesterday never did improve. I lost count of the number of stores we were in and out of pricing appliances. The need for a refrigerator had made appliance shopping the priority. I never did stop snapping at my mom, or apologizing for snapping at her and letting her know how grateful I am to have her here. I don’t rememberhow many times I randomly blurted out, “I hate it!” in reference to my new home, but it was more than a few.

Today should not have been any better. I spent 6 hours shampooing the carpets and am now about to “go to bed” on an air mattress in the kitchen. This only after I wrap my feet in plastic bags to traverse the short length of wet carpet between here and the guest bath. I’m surprised to find myself in a relatively good mood. The house still kind of sucks. But, I suppose it’s improving and my things arrive tomorrow morning so hopefully that will help. If nothing else, I’ll get to sleep on a bed tomorrow night. I think my back is about to go on strike.

I want so badly for this not to have been a mistake. I was terrified yesterday. I was full of doubts and a simultaneous need to prove myself to everyone who may have looked a bit skeptical at my plans. This combination was making me nuts. The thing is, I have absolutely no idea how this will all work out. I may love it here. I might hate it. Either way, trusting my heart, doing what I believes to be best for me at the time won’t have been a mistake. I took a risk. I don’t know how it will pay off, but I know it will. It already has.

So my house has crickets, dirty carpets, walls and broken things. I was brave to come here. Brave to try. I am living. I am taking my own side. Sleeping in the kitchen is small compared to that.