It is an odd thing to feel strong and simultaneously, like a fledgling.
I like to know that I am right, particularly in matters concerning relationships. I like to poll other people, seemingly gathering opinions on a situation, while really asking them to side with me. To tell me that I am right. I do this because I don’t trust myself to know, and because I haven’t fully believed that what really matters in the end isn’t right or wrong, but how I feel. It has never seemed okay to put that first. To put my own thoughts, feelings, beliefs and values first. Doesn’t that seem a bit absurd? I mean really, whose life have I been trying to live all this time?
I feel awkward and clumsy in learning to trust myself. I am awkward and clumsy. Like a new bird testing her wings. Only, unlike that new bird, I’m not sure I even knew the wings were there until I began to use them. I feel as though I am waking up to something for the first time. It is a strange sensation. I like it.
I like the person I am waking up to. I am deeply thankful for the chance to get to know her. I can’t wait to see what she will do.