Words are going to be inadequate tonight. I can’t put words to something that I don’t, as of yet, understand. I am changing. I know this tonight with a certainty that usually escapes me. I am not the same person that I was two years, a year, or six months ago. I like the direction I am heading. I like the person I am in the process of becoming.
I think it’s hope. This feeling that I haven’t been able to pin down all day. There is so much that is changing. There is so much loss to grieve and so many unknowns to fear. This is true. I am leaving in 2.5 weeks. I am going to a new town, a new job and new people. Nothing in my life will be the same in 3 weeks. Me, included. There is so much stress and anxiety, fear and overwhelm right now. But there is also hope. I am ripe with it.
I have faith in myself. For this one moment of this one night, I believe in me. I don’t know how long it will last. I don’t know when I will lose it again. It is enough for now to know that it’s possible for me. To touch it for even a brief moment is to know that it is real. I am on my own side. I can’t remember a time in my life when I have felt that before. It is exquisite.