I find myself sitting here right now (as I have been sitting for the past 20 minutes or so) trying to create a truth. I am groping for something to say, struggling to wrest from myself something that matters. Whatever my truth is tonight, it’s more quiet than I would like it to be.
I had an okay day. I got a new phone today. More importantly, I got a new service plan. Until today I was still on my ex’s parents’ family plan. My ex and I broke-up over two years ago.
I also received a contingent job offer. I have spent the few hours since searching online for housing, to little avail.
I had this strange wish today for someone to show up for me, to literally present him or herself spontaneously at my doorstep. Unsurprisingly, no one did. That my wish did not come true has left me a little sad.
I just got an unexpected late night text from one of my dearest friends. It made me smile.
None of this has helped me recognize an obvious truth.
I guess what’s true is that I am somewhere in the middle today, and I’d rather be at any extreme. I wish that I could write openly and tenderly about love, or mar the screen with rage, or bend it under the weight of some sorrow. But tonight I’m just fine. There is nothing blatantly right or wrong. I just am.