I am nervous in my vulnerability tonight.
I was restless in the quiet spaces of my day today. The truth is, I am scared.
It’s as though I had this imaginary set of rules I lived by, and they have suddenly been erased.
It is a marvelous thing that I am experiencing now. Shame is falling away from me. I am uncovering the pieces of myself I started burying as a child and gathering them to me. I am reclaiming them with tenderness and affection. This is beautiful and wondrous.
Yet, the truth is, I am unsettled. The stranger truth is, I am also at peace. I am scared with a soft smile on my face.
I don’t know this new world. I am hoping I get to stay in it. And I am afraid in it too.
I feel a bit like a hatchling, again.
I can hold all of this, and keep breathing. I can smile alongside the fear. I can sit with calm and nervousness together in the same belly. I don’t have to make either go away.
This is just what is right now. And I keep breathing.