I am scared for others to see all the ways in which I am imperfect.
For the longest time, I tried very hard to control other peoples’ perceptions of me. It took a lot of effort, created a ton of anxiety, fed on all my insecurity, and was fundamentally exhausting. It meant I had to be controlled, lest something slip unintentionally out the side of me. As it always inevitably did anyway.
I get to be imperfect, even in my relationships with people. I get to choose to invite in the people who honor my efforts and are kind with my flaws. I think this is why the people in my life dearest to me are all people who have been deeply invested in doing their own work. They are aware of all the ways in which they too are imperfect. It allows them to be kind about mine, as I am about theirs.
Human relationships are messy endeavors. They can be gentle and loving too.
I am better at being in relationship than I thought I was. I am not perfect, and I am realizing more and more that I do not have to be. If I choose well and wisely. I get to grow alongside people. I get to struggle and be supported in it. I don’t have to be alone anymore. I can let myself be seen. I can share all of who I am. And it is okay if it is not always all done gracefully. I am loved anyway, well and deeply.
I don’t have to be alone anymore. It is safe to be known by people. It is safe to love and be loved.