I stopped and got myself a cupcake after work today from one of those bakery shops that only does cupcakes. Red Velvet. Then I went to 2 grocery stores, the pet store (for dog food), and I rented myself a movie. By the time I got home, I had decided to have a relaxing Friday night at home before starting on the work I brought with me tomorrow.
Then my landlord called and told me that they’ve decided to short-sell the house I’m living in.
The short version of how that went is I may or may not have to move, and I’m not sure when I’ll know either way. I can choose to get my deposit back now and move, or I can wait it out, show the house to prospective buyers, and move if/when I get a 30-day notice but not pay rent in the meantime (though I’d have to pick up the water and trash bills).
I joked a bit tonight about how much the Universe seems to hate me. I’ve been here 3 months. I moved 3 months ago. About the only thing that’s made this whole thing tolerable is the house I’m renting. It’s not perfect (and in fact, I also joked about spending part of the day tomorrow making a list of all the things I hate about it), but it’s what I wanted. I’m still moving in. I still have things that haven’t been unpacked and put away. I thought I had plenty of time.
I’ve decided to let go. I was standing in my kitchen less than 20 minutes ago, and I remembered that I’ve been saying here how much I want to be able to let go. It would seem the universe was listening.
I have absolutely no idea what’s going to happen. I have absolutely no idea where I’ll be living 2 months from now. I could sit here and feel sorry for myself (and I do, a bit). I could gripe about how life just never seems to get any easier (and I probably will every now and then). I could complain about how hard it’s been for how long, and demand to know when I’m going to catch a break (and fantasize about the shape that break will come in…which I’m doing right now).
Or, I could have a little faith.
I could believe that the Universe knows what it’s doing, and that it really loves me and wants the very best for me.
I could open myself to the possibility that something good will come from this. I could just open myself to possibility.
It’s a bit of a stretch for me, but I could. And I want to.
The truth is, I’m not as cynical as I pretend to be.